Tuesday, Jul. 20, 2010
Wedding season is here
Emily Jarrett, Journal Staff
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Off the record, I’m starting to think about a career as a professional bridesmaid.
I’m at that wonderful age when everyone and their sister is getting married – literally, a good college friend of mine and her sister are both getting married within three months of each other. And while I love being involved in their special days, it’s getting a little ridiculous.
By this time next year, I will have been a bridesmaid or maid of honor in six weddings. And that doesn’t even include the friends who aren’t quite engaged but are close (I have it on good authority that two of my high school friends will have a ring by the end of summer).
My closet is starting to look a bit like a dress store rack with the variety and volume of dresses.
And we before go any farther – no, I have never nor will I ever, be able to wear a bridesmaid dress again. So, let’s all make a deal and call a spade a spade. Brides should say, “This isn’t your style, taste or color, but I’m in love with it, so you’re going to have to suck it up and wear it.”
I’d much rather have that than, “Oh, but you can just shorten it!”
When am I going to shorten a floor-length cranberry red dress with beading around the neckline? More importantly, why and when would I wear that to anything?
And then there are the parties – engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, bridesmaid parties.
I’ve become an expert at bridal registries. I know how to scour them for the best deals – after all, I’m paying an average of $200 just for the ugly dress you want me to wear, I’m going a little cheap on the present. I can expertly wrap, in the white bridal wrapping paper of course, just about anything.
I have black shoes and silver shoes that can go with any dress and if the bride doesn’t want those, would rather I dye my shoes to match the dress, well I know a good place to get that done too.
I have beaded handbags, handbags with and without straps, handbags that can hold nothing more than a credit card and a cell phone and bags that can hold all the essential wedding day items – including but not limited to hairspray, bobby pins, a Tide-To-Go pen, scotch tape and half a sandwich – true story.
I’ve dealt with wedding day disasters – rain, a crazed mother, a torn dress, a bride who had to go to the bathroom minutes before the ceremony started.
I can dance the night away at a reception or sit at a table and chat with Grandpa, depending on the need. I can’t repair a torn bustle, but I’ve never actually had to. So I’m assuming it’s only a matter of time before I master that too.
In short, I would make an excellent professional bridesmaid.
So, this is my first piece of professional advice, to future brides and grooms everywhere – elope.
Emily Jarrett is a staff writer for the Journal. To respond to today’s commentary, call 816-282-7018 or e-mail ejarrett@bluespringsjournal.com.
